


The Meatball Rule

by MoonwalkingCrab, thewightknight



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: IKEA, M/M, Modern AU, every couple at IKEA ever, fluff and fluff and more fluff, ikea au, ikea is the modern day narnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7497399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonwalkingCrab/pseuds/MoonwalkingCrab, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/pseuds/thewightknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never just a simple trip to IKEA when Ren is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Meatball Rule

**Author's Note:**

> This all started out in chat:
> 
>  **iwanttoplayguitar**  
>  IKEA AUomg  
>  **MoonwalkingCrab**  
>  are they fighting over what to get in ikea?  
>  **ThePuddingIsALie**  
>  More like Kylo tries to move in into the store and Hux is really done as always. XD  
>  **thewightknight**  
>  Hux knows the layout and what shortcuts to take to get exactly what he wants and get out  
>  **thewightknight**  
>  Ren wants to amble all the way through and picks up random stuff and tries to show it to Hux  
>  **MoonwalkingCrab**  
>  Kylo demands meatballs
> 
> And here we are:

"But Hux, it's a rule! You have to get meatballs at IKEA!"

"You know I'm a vegetarian, Ren."

“There are vegetarian meatballs now. That’s no excuse anymore, Hux.”

Hux sighed, exasperated. “Fine. But put that fuzzy whatever it is back then.”

“And cake. We have to get cake, too!”

“No cake.”

“How can you say no to cake? I made cake last week and you didn’t eat it then, either.” Ren pouted, pretended to look up at Hux through his eyelashes. He managed it somehow, even with his extra couple of inches and his ridiculous New Rocks.

"Not everyone can eat anything they want and stay fit, Ren. Seriously, with your diet how do you even look like that?" Ren’s physique never failed to turn heads wherever they went, which always made Hux both smug and jealous at the same time.

"Exercise." Ren waggled his eyebrows at Hux, trying and failing miserably in his attempt to look seductive. Hux rolled his eyes but he knew Ren could see the smile he was trying to hide. “Oh, hey, look. Beds!”

“No, Ren!” Hux tried but it was too late. Kylo had already taken a running flop onto the nearest display, a MALM. "You're impossible, you know that, right? Oh gods. NO REN! Do not bounce on the beds. You'll get us kicked out!"

"How else am I supposed to test them!" Ren rolled over on his stomach, tucked his hands under his chin and looked up at Hux with a grin. "Remember the last one we bought?! Not sturdy at all."

"This is IKEA. It's pretty much a given you could break any of these given enough incentive." Ren got a look in his eye and Hux took a step back, hands raised in warning. “And no that was not a proposition! No, Ren. Don’t even think about it. KYLO! PUT ME DOWN YOU IDIOT!"

The MALM creaked alarmingly as Hux landed and he swore he heard something crack as Ren dropped down next to him.

"Let's be fair, I can break _anything_ given enough incentive."

"Yes, yes. Our security deposit will bear witness to that." Hux looked around, trying to see if there were any employees in sight, but luckily the only person who seemed to be paying attention to them was a tiny Asian lady, and she just winked at him as she passed. Thank goodness it was still early, and the weekend rush hadn’t begun yet. He glared at Ren, and Ren threw a pillow at him in response. That demanded retaliation. He only got in a few good swings before a harried young lady in a yellow and blue polo shirt showed up, and he was forced to apologize for the both of them, Ren being too breathless from giggling to speak.

He tried in vain to straighten his hair as the poor employee ran off to answer another customer’s question, and then blanched, hand frozen just above his ear.

"Oh gods, I think that's my boss over there. Do you think she saw us? I think she saw us. She’s not looking this way on purpose. Oh, gods. How am I going to be able to face her on Monday?"

Ren shrugged. "Don't go in."

If he hadn’t just promised they’d behave less than sixty seconds ago he would have taken another swing at Ren with a pillow. "Oh, yes. Brilliant idea. Who cares about rent or utilities or cat food?"

"It's just one day. Millie will be fine, she brings in enough dead things." Ren grimaced and muttered, just loud enough that Hux could hear him "...and leaves them in my shoes."

"There are worse things she could do to your shoes." Millicent had peed on several of Hux’s previous boyfriends’ belongings. Seeing how well she’d taken to Ren had been one of the reasons he’d actually called Ren back after their first tryst. 

"There are worse things I could do to YOUR shoes." And that grin was another one of the reasons. It lit up Kylo’s whole face and Hux still felt butterflies in his belly when he saw it.

Their cheerful bickering continued as they meandered along the path. Hux managed to drag Ren through one of the shortcuts, avoiding the children’s section because he’d sworn to himself as they were planning this trip that for once they would not come home with some silly stuffed animal.

It took all of his persuasive charm but he managed to talk Ren into putting back the LED wall lighting display (“no, Ren, we do not need that for the bedroom”), the black drawer pulls (“I thought we’d agreed on brushed stainless steel, Ren?”), and three different but equally horrendous throw pillows (“We’ve already got enough of those things to build three pillow forts, Ren!”).

Finally, they reached their destination.

"Oh, look. A dishrack! We've actually found what we came for!"

"Only you could get excited by a dishrack, Hux." Ren’s lack of enthusiasm didn’t phase Hux. It was an excellent dishrack. It was just the right size to fit the space next to the sink and its matte finish wouldn’t require the upkeep their previous stainless rack had needed.

"Those plates are nice." Ren’s attention had wandered again and Hux geared up for another round of “No, Ren.”

"You just like them because they're black. There are other colors, you know."

Ren tried with the eyelashes again. "Aw c'mon, if we get them I'll make dinner tonight!"

They weren’t actually that bad. Rather stylish, in fact. Well, he did need to let Ren win the occasional argument. No need to make it easy on him, though.

"And clean up afterwards?"

Ren sighed theatrically, but grinned too, sensing victory. "And clean up afterwards." He wasn’t going to let it be that easy, though. "But I want to go back for that LED lamp too."

“Not for the bedroom.” That earned him a pout and he gave in. “I guess it would look good in the corner next to the sofa." And there was another one of those grins.

As they made their way back to lighting (avoiding the children’s section again), Ren leaned in and whispered into Hux’s ear. "Know what would look good on the sofa?"

"You, of course. On top of me," Hux whispered back. At Kylo’s surprised expression he laughed. "That is what you were going to say, yes? Ren. No. Damnit, Kylo! Put me down!”

Oh gods, they were heading towards it: _the children’s section_. 

“To the beanbags!” Ren cried. And yes, that was definitely his boss. Calling in sick on Monday seemed better and better.


End file.
